10 out of 10

So, tonight was our first of many more ultrasounds to come. Starting tonight we get an ultrasound every Monday night at 7 pm from now until our due date. Little Sweet Pea was good and cooperated like a good girl. Each week, they will be counting the heart beats per minute, checking to see if she is doing breathing exercises, blood flow, and measuring. Since we have an ultrasound on Wednesday with the high risk doctors, they didn't do any measuring tonight. Little Miss did every thing she was suppose to do tonight. Let's hope she listens to us that way after she's born. :)

As long as we're on the whole update deal, February 17th, we landed ourselves in the hospital so baby could be monitored. I am on restrictions at work, but they haven't been followed as well as they should be. I came home from work that day and had...what I thought was spotting. Well, it just so happened that my doctor was the on call doctor that night. The nurses paged her, and with in a half hour, she had called me and told me to go in so they could monitor the baby, just to make sure everything was still ok. Well, it turns out...everything was just fine. Better than fine actually. The nurses were very impressed with her heartbeat. We were told they don't normally see that kind of heart rate on babies that young. Needless to say mom and dad were very happy to know everything was better than fine.

It's so crazy to think that in 12 weeks we could be holding this little girl in our arms. Don't ask us about names, because we don't have one nailed down yet. We do have it narrowed down to three, but we are going to wait until she's born to make a final decision. The crib is up, changing table is put together, and the dresser is in pieces down stairs. All we need now...in 12 weeks...is Sweet Pea to join us.

Thank you again for all your prayers, we can feel them all.

We're Seeing Pink!

Well, it has been a while since I've posted anything on here. Lots has happened since May when I've last posted, but let me tell you...the wait was worth it. At least for me/us it was. Well..here's the news...

!!!!WE'RE HAVING A GIRL!!!!

Yes, you read that right! We are having a girl. We've known since October, but chose to keep it quiet for quite a few reasons. I don't really feel I have to tell those reasons, but out of respect for those of you who have taken the time to read this, here are a few of them:

1. We've lost 3 babies in the past 4...almost 5 years of being married

2. We knew we would have a TON of test done

3. We knew we would be ultra high risk when we did get pregnant again

4. If we lost this one, we didn't want to un-tell a ton of people

This was a HUGE surprise to Josh and I. I think more me than him, but still we were surprised. We have been wanting a baby for so long, and didn't really think it was going to happen. Well...I guess when you put it on the back burner, that's when it happens.

Since October when we found out, we have had nothing but doctors appointments, and tests. They have done the typical tests that any normal prego chick would have, but on top of that, we have had many, many more. I think I can honestly say I have had AT A MINIMUM, 20 tubes of blood drawn, and I'm NOT done yet. So far we have been tested for:

1. Trisomy 13

2. Trisomy 18

3. Downs

4. Clotting issues between Josh and I (he had blood drawn for this too)

5. Genetic tests

6. More that I can't think of right now...but we've had more than this.

At one point Josh and I both had to get blood drawn at the same time...he had 5 tubes taken, and I had 12. Yes, this was in one shot. Our blood had to be tested to make sure our blood together didn't clot. Thank God, those tests came back normal. Had those test not come back normal, I would have had to have weekly IV infusions of something to prevent the clotting. I'm so thankful I don't have to have this done, although each trimester I do have to have blood drawn for this test to make sure nothing develops. Thankfully the 2 I've had done so far have come back clean. Lets hope #3 comes back the same. :) The reason for this test...Noah died from a hemorrhage/clot on the right side of his brain.

Not only have we had tests up the wazoo, but we have also had to date...8 ultrasounds. Yes, 8. It's amazing to see how much she has grown since the first one at 8 weeks. Why so many ultrasounds? High risk. I see the high risk doctors every 4 weeks for super involved ultrasounds. They have been doing 3D ultrasounds, and a TON of measurements on each one. Thankfully things measure fine, and we are right on track with growing. In the last 2 ultrasounds, they have been doing 3D and it seems to me that they are mainly watching the hands. I think the reason they are doing this, is because Noah was born with an extra thumb on one hand. So far they haven't seen that with Little Miss. :) Starting February 28th, we will be having weekly ultrasounds, along with still seeing the high risk doctors for ultrasounds every 4 weeks still.

As of now I'm pretty much being seen every 2 weeks by either my OB or the high risk doctors. My OB doc rocks...even Josh likes her. :) She's been awesome through this whole process, and has been so patient with us and our fears. I honestly don't think I could have asked for a better doctor. God definitely knew what he was doing when we got hooked up with her as our doctor.

My next appointment is on Wednesday the 16th...I have the lovely glucose test to look forward to. Please pray this test goes well, and things continue to go well with our little one. From here on out I'll have to refer to her as Sweet Pea. That's my dad's nickname for her. It's stuck since.

Well...this the update and the low down on what we've going through with this little one. She must know I'm talking about her cuz she's kicking me. :) That's one thing I'll never get tired of feeling. As long as I'm feeling kicks, I know she's ok.

Still Confused.

This past week, I've still been spinning after our appointment last Thursday. This week I took the step to call my regular doctor and set up an appointment with her to talk about what is being recommended from the reproductive place. We are so confused because my doctor is saying one thing and they are saying another. We are going to go see Dr. Turner and get her take on things. So, on May 19th, we are going to go see what she has to say. At times my head has been scrolling medical terms, and fertility options. I never knew it could get this confusing to attempt to have a kid, much less HARD!!!

Oh well...it's like the saying goes...good things come to those who wait. I guess Josh and I just have to wait and see what happens.

Overwhelmed...

We had our consultation today with the Reproductive Clinic. I can honestly say we walked away from there with our heads spinning. Both of us have to have some blood work done, and Josh has to get his swimmers tested again. It sounds like when all is said and done, I may be doing clomid AGAIN. I'm not too confidant about this because the two miscarriages I had, were when I was on clomid. We could take another pill that will help, but it's not approved by something, so it's not out there and advertised. I don't remember the name of it, but it's basically a stronger form of clomid form what it sounded like. Another option would be the injectable hormones. Not something I would want to do...give myself shots, but if it got us a baby...I would do it.

I had ANOTHER internal ultrasound done today...#3 this year. My ovaries looked fine she counted about 15-17 cysts on each ovary, but isn't convinced that I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). Like I said...we left there with our heads literally spinning.

We did look into the cost of artificial insemination and IVF. We can honestly say...IVF is out no matter what. It's just not an affordable option. If we did the artificial thing, it would be out of pocket because it isn't covered by my insurance. Again...spinning heads.

So...in short...were do we go from here? I will continue to take birth control for the next 2 months, I have to go in to have a dye test done to make sure my tubes are open, and see what the results are with Josh's swimmers. It will take a few months to get into see the doctor, so we have some time to look at things and maybe try on our own and see where things take us.

So...for now I will finish out the birth control, continue on the metformin, and get the 5 different blood tests, and wait.

Please pray for us as we go through this. We are frustrated, but yet have hope that we will eventually have kids. Hopefully sooner than later, but it will happen when the time is right.

Thank you for you prayers so far, please keep them coming. We are feeling them. I have my days when I'm super low and down about this whole process...those seem to be the days when I feel prayers the most.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Results

So, Wednesday was the big day...I had my ultrasound. Things couldn't be better. Everything came back normal. No leftover tissue in my uterus, and my endometrial wall has thinned. I don't have to have a DNC or biopsy at all. My HCG levels dropped from 98 to 28, which is a HUGE answer to prayer.
When my HCG levels get to 25, I will be starting birth control for 3 months. Within those 3 months, we will see a specialist, and see what they have to say and go from there as to having kids. My doctor is pretty confidant that we will have them. I just need to STAY pregnant. So, we'll see what the specialist says and go from there.
Thank you to those who have been praying. Please continue to pray for Josh and I, and also pray for the doctors as they help us.
Until next time...:)

No More Secrets

It's been a while since I've been on here for an update. So...on the baby front. Clomid is done. It's been done since January. Yep...that's right. No more clomid. Why? Well, we'll put it this way. The clomid worked, BUT we lost the baby. I was about 6 weeks along, and we lost it. When I started clomid this round, I was very hesitant. Two years ago I was on clomid, got pregnant right away and lost that baby as well. So...we've been married almost 4 years, and have lost 3 babies. This isn't the easiest thing to deal with, but Josh and I have talked about it, and we feel that going through this, has in fact brought us closer.

Where are we going from here? Well...I've been going in every few weeks for blood tests, to make sure my HCG level is dropping. Before we left for Florida, it was down to 91, when we got back, it was up to 98. So, on Wednesday I will be going in for an ultrasound. They are going to check for any leftover tissue in my uterus. If there is, they will do a DNC, and clean it out. If not, they will do and endometrial biopsy. I'm praying a DNC will be what is needed, because the whole biopsy word freaks me out to no end.

Two years ago when we went through this, it took 2 months for my numbers to drop to zero. This time isn't much different, other than the doctor, and her being proactive in making sure things are fine, and there isn't anything more going on. Have I mentioned, I LOVE my doctor.

Where do we go from here? When my numbers (HCG level) go back to normal, I will start a 3 month stretch of birth control. In that 3 month time span, we will see a specialist, and see what they have to say. According to Dr. Turner (aka...my doctor) these guys are the "fast" way to get pregnant, she is the "slow" way. My doctor is confidant that we will get pregnant, and carry a baby to full term. Josh and I are too, we're just impatient.

With all that said, I know some of you are thinking "Why now? Why now are you telling us/family that Noah wasn't the only baby you've lost?" Well, that's an easy one to answer. Telling family & friends we lost Noah was not the easiest thing. Telling them early on that we were pregnant again, then telling them we lost it would have been just as hard. We didn't want to put our family through that again. But, now with me having to go in for either a DNC or biopsy, we thought we needed to start talking. With having to do more than just blood tests this time, we felt family should know now. We can't hide a DNC or biopsy from family.

So, there you have it...no more secrets. Noah was baby number one, and 2 others have followed. Please pray with us that everything will turn out fine on Wednesday. Pray with us that doctors have wisdom in helping us, and that we have patience. Pray that God shows us what we should do...do we keep trying to get pregnant, or should we start looking at adoption.

Baby Update...

NO...I AM NOT PREGNANT!!!!!! I'm just giving a quick update as to what is going on, cuz I don't remember who I've informed about what has been going on. We have been trying for over a year. So with that said...here goes.

About a year or so ago, I saw a doctor in Lakeville...I don't remember what for, but all I remember from that appointment, was that she thought I should get tested for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. I didn't think much of it, but when I went in for a future appointment with my regular doctor, I brought it up to her. In short, she thought it was legitimate, and started me with testing. I went to her, a specialist, and I think one other person. The day after Thanksgiving last year, I got the results from those tests. In everything that was tested...all was fine. So...she pretty much told me...I'm not saying you do have it, but I'm not saying you don't. One of the treatments for PCOS, is metformin. A medication for diabetics. She didn't want to put me on it because I'm not diabetic.

That was a year ago, and I lived with it. Josh and I figured...when it's our time...we'll get pregnant, and life will go on. But...about 6-7 months ago, I was back to the same doctor in Lakeville. This time for a bladder infection. She asked me how things were going, if we were pregnant yet, and asked about the PCOS. I told her they didn't want to put me on meds cuz I wasn't diabetic, but they weren't saying I did or didn't have it. She pretty much told me I needed to keep pursuing it, because she is 99.9% positive that is what I have.

So...taking her advice, I set up an appointment at the Womens Clinic in Minneapolis. Dr. Turner has been AMAZING. From the minute she walked in the room I could tell she was different from any doctor I had seen so far. We talked for a few minutes, getting to know each other, then she said it...So tell me about your period. So...I told her. It started the week before I turned 12, and pretty much through my 6th grade year, I had it almost every other week. Once I got into Jr High, it was irregular. Heavy one month, nothing the next, light the next. It was a vicious cycle. I went on birth control to regulate it...sometime in college, then when I went off of it, I never got it. Needless to say...it has NEVER been "normal". When I finished I just looked at her...basically with a helpless look on my face. Her response to all of it..."You have classic case PCOS".

That was back in July. I walked out of there that day, with a few more tests done, and a prescription for Metformin. The same meds the doctor a year ago didn't want to put me on because I'm not diabetic. Dr. Turner has assured me even though I am NOT a diabetic, it won't harm me in any way...it will actually HELP me. Since July, I was back 2 other times, with more tests...even Josh had to take a few (his "swimmers" had to get tested). Thankfully everything has turned out fine so far for both of us. I am now taking clomid along with the metformin. Clomid is a med that regulates your period, but at the same time, helps you get pregnant.

So, right now...this is were we are. I'm charting my temperature EVERY morning along with taking clomid on the right days when I have my period. We just have to hope the clomid works. You can only take it for a max of 6 times at any given time. There is a pretty high risk of twins...something my doctor does NOT want. Why? Anytime you are pregnant with twins, you are high risk. I am...and always will be...high risk.

So...if you are reading this, this is what Josh and I ask of you...PLEASE PRAY.

Please pray that the clomid works.
Please pray that Josh and I will have patience. We know God's timing is perfect, but we are getting impatient waiting for that timing.

So...since our last post...this is what has been going on with us. Waiting, testing, meds...praying...praying...and more praying.

Now...we are asking others to join us in praying.

Just thinking...

I've decided that I'm not going to have this set to private anymore, so to anyone who decideds to read this, just know that what I put on here is what is on my mind, and I will not hold back anything. I don't think I should really have to hold anything back or have to guarded with what I put on here. I set this up for me as a way to get things out, and say what is on my mind that I may not otherwise be able to verbally say. There are times it is easier to write things out rather than say them...which is why I set this up to begin with...

Playing...

Pep and Daisy love to play...sometimes it sounds like Pep is gonna eat Daisy, but that hasn't happend yet...hopefully it never does. But...here's the two going at it...and a few more...we have crazy animals...

Daisy can't figure out where the water goes....

Pepper likes to chase her tail....

New Digs...

Josh and I used our tax return to get a new couch and love seat...we love it. Both sides of the love seat recline, as well as both ends of the couch. Have I mentioned...WE LOVE IT.

Daisy also got a new toy...a kitty jungle gym. She seems to like it, cuz she now has a place to hide out from Pepper...

Pep didn't get new digs this time, but we couldn't post Disy and not her...so here's Little Miss Crazy One...

More MWS

I listen to KTIS...I found them on Facebook. While looking at thier page, I saw they had pictures of the Michael W. Smith concert. I figured out a way to save them so I can have them to...here they are...and yes, we really were that close. I think I'm still trying to convince myself it was real, and not a dream...

Just a Thought...

Yep...I'm sick today...so what am I doing...I'm actually watching the inauguration of Obama. I find it quite interesting. I can't imagine what he and his family is feeling with all the publicity, cameras, and flashes on them documenting their every move. I find it quite amazing that they can get one family moved out of the White House an another moved in, in just 4-5 hours, when it takes a normal person a day just to move stuff, and another few days or a week to get things organized. The Obama's are lucky...I'm quite jealous of them that they don't even have to move themselves...they have people to do it for them. But...would I want to be in his position...absolutely not.

As I was watching and reading things coming up to this day, I was quite disgusted. So many people don't think Obama will do a good job. Many disagree with so much of what he wants to do, and a lot don't even want him in there because he isn't a republican. I've heard people say they think Obama is the Anti-Christ. If God didn't want Obama in office, McCain would be sworn in today. But, God knew what he was doing putting Obama in office. Do I think God is punishing us...no. God has a plan for this...he knows what he is doing.

Why does it seem like so many people are putting their faith and trust in the President, when our faith and trust should be put in God. We should pray for President Obama just as much as what we did for President Bush, and any other president we have had.

In just the last few mintues, I've heard 2 comments...
1. History has just been made
2. Change is coming to the White House

My thoughts on this:
1. Yes History has been made...We have our first African-American president
2. Doesn't change come to the White House with every new President????

Who Said Dreams Don't Come True??

This is one dream that did.....
I guess I better start at the beginning...

Michael W. Smith has been my favorite singer since I was in High School. I've been saying for a long time "before I die, I want to go to one of his concerts". There are so may of this songs that I like that I can't really pick one that is my favorite, and I pretty much gave up on ever going to one of his concerts. I just settled for listening to the CD's and just dreamed, yet I still said.

A few months ago, my Amy gave me a book to read...The Secret...it's about changing your way of thinking, and saying I want this, or I want that...basically thinking positive. So, in the middle of this book, things started clicking, and I said to myself..."I'm gonna go to a Michael W. Smith concert some day. Little did I know that day was only about 2 months away.The day after Thanksgiving, I was getting ready for a doctor appointment, when my phone rang. It was Josh's mom. Now...let me remind you again, Michael W. Smith is my absolute favoritest singer ever. Anyways, she was calling to ask me if Josh and I would want to go to the Michael W. Smith concert December 6th, and that would be our Christmas present. I didn't need to think about it. I wanted to jump at it right away, but I needed to talk to Josh first. Josh was the only thing at that point standing in the way of one of my biggest dreams coming true. So, I hung up with his mom...called Josh...his response..."do you want to go...or do I even need to ask?" Josh said to call his mom back and tell her yes...we'll go. At this point, I can hardly think straight, because I could hardly believe I was FINALLY going to be able to cross something off my "bucket list". At this point, I was almost crying cuz I couldn't believe what was actually gonna happen after I called his mom back. Our tickets were going to be ordered for a concert I had been waiting over 10 years to go to.

Our tickets got ordered, and December 6th finally comes. Josh and I made a night of it. We went out to dinner before the concert, got there at a decent time, bought a few CD's, then just chatted while waiting for everything to start. We were in Club Seating, row 6, seat 1 & 2. We thought we had pretty good seats cuz we were the only 2 people that would be in that row. No one had to climb over us, we didn't have to move for anyone...it was great...there were only 2 seats in the row. :) While waiting, I saw people lined up, and had a feeling they had back stage passes. I was jealous cuz I wanted to be there. I was telling Josh it would be cool to be in the front row, and said some day I will be.

The concert didn't start till 7, and about 10 to, a guy comes up to us, and asks us if we listen to KTIS (they were sponsoring the concert) we said yes, and introduced us to the lady who does Saturday mornings on the station...I don't remember what her name is. Anyways, she asked us if we would like better seats and of course, we said yes. I was thinking they would be on the lower level, and we would have a better view...but now...when we said yes, her next question was..."How does front row, seats 1 & 2 sound?" Of course we jumped at it...well...more me than Josh, but come on...front row...you kidding...I'm not gonna pass that up.

I think it took about 20 minutes for it to sink in for me as to where we were sitting. I couldn't have asked for a better night. Now...the next concert...I'm gearing up for back stage passes. :)

Where we started

Where we ended up

Happy B-day Noah!!!

Wow...it't been 2 years already. It seems like it was just yesterday that we lost him. About a year or so ago, I was filing papers at work, listening to my ipod and minding my own business. A song started playing and I didn't think much of it other than the fact that I hadn't heard it in such a long time. The song is a constant reminder to me that even though Noah isn't here with us, I know we WILL see him agian. So...today on Noah's birthday, I am sharing it with all of you. Just remember, that even though Noah isn't here with us, he is in our hearts and minds, and we will see him again...

Hello, Good-Bye
Where's the Navigator of your destiny?
Where is the Dealer of this hand?
Who can explain life and its brevity'

Cause there is nothing here that I can understand

You and I have barely met

And I just don't want to let go of you yet

Chorus:
Noah, hello, goodbye

I will see you on the other side

Noah, sweet child of mine

I will see you on the other side

And so I hold your tiny hand in mine

For the hardest thing I've ever had to face

Heaven calls for you before it calls for me

When you get there, save me a place

A place where I can share your smile

And I can hold you for more than just a while

Chorus

Seeing Things From Both Sides of the Fence

Amanda had her baby September 1st. How ironic to have your first child on Labor Day??? Anyways, Amanda had her baby and I couldn't be happier for her. Some family is upset because grandma Youngmark says this is her first great-grandchild, when they feel she really isn't...Noah is. Well...I see it both ways. Yes, Noah would be the 1st great-grandchild, but yes, Linnea is as well. I'll be honest, it really doesn't bother me that she says Linnea is the first great-grandchild, because in grandma's eyes, she is. I know she isn't discounting Noah. Everyone hurt when we lost him. I still hurt today, and it's been almost 2 years. If I were to get upset about grandma saying Linnea is her first great-grandchild, does that mean I should get upset at my parents when they say they have 3 grandkids? No...I shouldn't get upset. Sometimes people just don't want to explain that they lost a grandchild/great-grandchild, because it's just plain hard. There are times when I tell people I don't have kids. It doesn't mean that I'm not considering Noah my child...I just don't want to go into details. Who knows...grandma may consider Noah a great-grandchild, but for her to say she has 2 great grandkids would mean she would have to go through the pain and explain that her "1st" didn't make it and was still born. Who wants to explain that? I can't let the little things like this bother me...I'm trying to learn to let little things go. To me, this is just a little thing. Everyone has their own way of dealing with pain and loss, and I think this is grandma's way of doing that.

Evan and Amanda have Linnea. I couldn't be happeir for them. I'm glad they have her. I wouldn't with the loss of a child on anyone. It is by far the hardest thing I have had to deal with in my life. Never ever would I wish that on anyone.

So, Sunday is Linnea's baptism, and I'm determined to make the best of it. After all...she is mine and Josh's God daughter...and she's a cutie...just like her "auntie" Nomie.:)

Vacation Pictures

Yeah I know...vacation was back in July...but...now that I have the pictures on my computer, I can post some of them...so...here you go! :)

Our awesome tent

USS Irving

The lift bridge

Goosberry Falls (I love waterfalls!!!) We have ton of pictures of this

At Glensheen...very interesting place to tour. If you are in the area...spend the money and go on the tour...it is a very beautiful house...majority of the stuff is original. It was a little creepy at first walking through a house where you know a murder took place...expecially walking up the main stairs where the nurse was first found. But you get over it...but it is a super interesting tour and beautiful house/mansion.

Back of Glensheen

Gardners house

Carriage house

Politics...

I'm not into politics.
I don't know who to vote for.
People say McCain.
People say Obama.
Who do I vote for?
I'll vote for who I think will do the better job.
Maybe I should start doing some research.
Any suggestions on websites look at?
I'm open to any and all...

Our Camping Visitor

Well, we're finally home again. Josh and I left for Duluth on the 7th, and got home last night around 9:30 or so. We are super tired, but were incredibly glad to be able to sleep in our own bed again. I'll post pictures when Josh gets them off the camera, bur for now, this is what you get...

Tuesday morning I was washing up stuff from breakfast, and Josh had run to the bathroom. I made some PB & J for lunch, and the sandwiches and PB were still out. I had a little visitor...I couldn't get it on the normal camera cuz I didn't want to scare him away...so the camera on my phone had to work for...a little red squirl came over, and was up on the table...in the pictures you can pretty much see how close I was to him...I think I ended up about a foot a way from it. The little stinker wasn't afraid of anything...here's the pictures, and a few videos...enjoy...

Our Salt Water Aquarium

A few months back Josh decided he wanted to start a salt water aquarium. After much research, and cleaning of the tank, we finally have it under way. We had to start with just the sand for a bit, then add the rock, and now we are currently on the "clean-up crew" stage...aka...adding the snails. So...we have a few living creatures in the tank now, and when we get back from vacation we will probably get a few clown fish, and see how it goes. Some day...we may end up with a bigger tank...:) I wouldn't mind...we just need to get a normal house first. But for now...this will do...here are a few pictures...

Stage One: Sand

Stage 2: Add Rock

Stage 3: Add more rock and some snails...they are in there, you just can't see them to well...they blend pretty well with the rock and sand.

I'll post more pictures when we get the fish...:)

Library Visits!!

Ok...so you all know I love to read. I'm guessing it must run in the family...I'm thinking I got it from mom, who in turn got it from grandma. But, anywho...my wonderful husband talked me into getting a library card...probably cuz he was sick of me telling him I needed books. Yes, I have a tote full from Amy, which needs to be returned...but right now that's besides the point. I think I'm on book 16 or 17 so far this year, and still have about 3 sitting here waiting to be read before they are returned. But about this library thing...they are by far the best thing around. We are there probably once every few weeks getting stocked up on books. Yes, Josh even got a card. He's been reading up on salt water aquariums. We are now down to 3 fish, and are waiting for them to die, so we can start a salt water aquarium. So anyways...libraries are by far my favorite thing right now. There is an endless variety of books, of which I am picky on what I read, but still...even in my short little variety, I have many to choose from. Pretty soon, I'm going to have to move on to new people cuz I will sadly have read all books by Karen Kingsbury, Nicholas Sparks, Beverly Lewis, and Lori Wick. It saddens me just thinking about it.